Congratulations Engineer

A Scattered Soul…

A mental journey shaped by the inner struggles of our spirits.


‍This is a series of everyday scenes inside the Faculty of Engineering at Alexandria University, a place many people dream of reaching, yet one that also makes you question whether it’s a beautiful dream or an exhausting nightmare. These scenes are a personal narration of my shifting emotions throughout my journey in the faculty, a journey that still hasn’t ended.


It’s a journey from doubt and disconnection to belonging, from feeling like a stranger to seeing this place as home. A reflection of how our personal decisions can reshape our view of life, and how the days we once thought were the hardest can become the most beautiful when seen from a different angle.


That confusion I felt when I thought comfort was waiting for me became a mirror that forced me to look deeply at myself, my goals, and the person I want to become. It pushed me toward a question I had never asked before.


Should I endure what I cannot bear, believing that nothing in life comes easy? Or do hardships become lighter when we love what we do? And does passion make them worth it?


At the beginning, holding on felt overwhelming, and I found myself making decisions that weren't wrong, just not the right ones for me. Over time, I realized that every step, even the ones that felt clumsy, was part of a journey that shaped me and reshaped my perspective.


This story was born from the everyday details I used to pass by without finding the words to describe them: the symbols around campus, the words carved into its walls, the light and shadows that revealed things about myself I never noticed before. Moment by moment, these scenes gave me the space to express what I couldn’t put into words, until this journey became my only way to translate what I was unable to say at that stage of my life.


As time goes on, I find myself living this experience again and again with the same doubt, hesitation and tension, in big decisions and small ones. What calms me then is remembering that we only live once, and that this gently guides me toward the choice that gives me peace, and toward what I hope will be remembered about me after I’m gone.


My thoughts and dreams never leave me. They return again and again, insistent, like light slipping between buildings, searching for me to reminding me every day that no matter how overwhelming or complicated things seem, at their core, they remain simple. And despite everything, my attempts to change my reality for the better, to chase my dreams with every sunrise, will never lose their meaning, because our lives, with everything in them, are worth it.


A scattered soul… a small experience in my world, reflected onto myself and everything I see around me.

It was 2020, and I scored 95.7%. My family started calling me “Engineer, congratulations,” and I’d just smile and say “Thank you,” even though I was still just Shahin with no engineering title, since I hadn’t joined the Faculty of Engineering yet. It was clear their excitement came from my score and their hopes that I would enroll in the Faculty of Engineering. But I actually wanted to get into Fine Arts—Architecture or Interior Design.


I got into the college and got dragged through it like anyone who has no idea what’s going on in the first semester. I kept running away from studying and the load I had, hanging out with my friends at my college or theirs, meeting new people, staying out late, and doing anything except actually focusing on my studies.


Days passed, the first semester ended, and I got a high GPA. That was the first real reaction I saw in front of me. “Dad, I got a GPA of 3.53 — that’s Excellent with Honors this semester.” There were no “congratulations” or anything. The only response was: “So… what department will that get you into?” I didn’t dwell on it too much and just went quiet. When he realized, he said, “Congrats, hopefully the next semester too.” I told him I could get into all the departments except Computer. His response was, “Well, work hard so you can get into Electrical.” That’s when the discussion started — the how and why — and it ended with: “We’ll talk after the second semester is over.”

I started thinking about how I could get into the department I actually want, how I could make my own decision, what I’d need in the coming period, and how I’d make it happen. I practically stopped seeing my friends and family the way I used to throughout the second semester — I isolated myself.  My only concern was getting through it and joining the department that I — and only I — would choose.


When the results came out, my family started interfering again, but less this time because they were upset that I failed one subject. Honestly, I was happy about it — it meant Electrical Engineering was no longer an option, but all the other departments were still open to me. The moment I suggested Mechanical Engineering, things got confusing. I had just gone through six months of isolation, achieving nothing, and my self-confidence was at its lowest. I really needed someone around to make things easier. All my friends were planning to go into Mechanical, and I was convincing them to do the same. It’s a department that covers everything and opens all kinds of fields.
For me, Architecture had become a closed chapter, and if I wanted to switch to it, I’d have to delay a whole year. So, from my perspective — and my family’s and friends’ — Mechanical was the better choice. Still, my love for Architecture never disappeared. Whenever someone asks me about it, I praise it and say I love that department, but now I love Mechanical more — maybe because it was my way of resisting what I truly love, so I wouldn’t lose a year, and instead benefit and secure my future.


I joined the Mechanical department happy to be surrounded by my friends and people I knew and loved. At first, everything seemed great. Classes started, the real academic content began, and the way things worked there became clearer. But as time went by, I realized this wasn’t for me. I was attending, understanding, and studying for exams, but without passion or joy. I didn’t feel like this was the life I wanted, and the environment in the department wasn’t easy—everyone was on their own.


I decided to talk to the teaching assistants around me and told them what I actually wanted to do and study, and whether it was even possible. They used to laugh and say they once felt the same and wished to do it too, but that it’s difficult here under these circumstances. I spent a while thinking: should I stay and endure it, or take a step? Every time I saw my friends in Architecture working on something I loved, I’d hear a voice inside me saying, “I wish I were with them.” That’s when I decided I wouldn’t keep waking up every day saying “I wish” again. I only have one life, and I’d rather live it the way I want than die being remembered as someone I never truly was.


After I finished my drawing exam and had already decided to leave the department and start the transfer procedures, I went to the Architecture department coordinator without knowing her office hours or anything—just to try my luck and talk to her if she was there. I found her, and we talked for an hour. I discovered that she had transferred from the Computer department and had faced the same issue with her family. She encouraged me to transfer without worry, but she kept warning me to think it through because switching would set me back two years, and I’d have to wait until the end of the academic year to submit a transfer request. That didn’t bother me at all; all I cared about was living a life that actually resembles me.


As soon as I had the chance at home, I told my family everything that happened and what I wanted to do. That’s when the real problems and fights started—accusations that I was ruining my future, making the wrong choice, and that they absolutely didn’t approve.


I was calm and confident about my decision, so I thought, since I’d already heard someone’s opinion from outside the department, I should listen to someone from inside as well. I went to Dr. Abdelsalam, a professor in the Design division—the one I actually love—and the head of control, so I knew he’d be the best person to advise me. I’ll never forget his words or the time I spent in his office. He told me: “This place is one world, and over there is another. If your heart is attached to that other world, you won’t be able to stay here. Make your decision without stress and follow what you love. What you want to do doesn’t even exist in Mechanical Engineering in Egypt. And here’s my number in case your issue is with your father. Talk to him again, and if he stops you, let him call me.”


After that conversation, I became braver and more confident, and I was completely sure about my decision. I didn’t mind being delayed by two years—as long as I’d be happy and comfortable with what I was doing. At that point, no one was talking to me and everyone was upset. They told me that the expenses for those extra two years were my responsibility. It was an attempt to pressure me into changing my mind, but it was a very weak one.


Time passed and the semester ended. I got an A in one subject and the rest of my grades were very good. During the mid-year break, I received a message saying that the transfer to Architecture was open—and that day was the last day to apply. The next morning, I rushed to the faculty to submit the transfer request. Somehow everything fell into place. I found out the application was open until 12 PM, and I was printing and submitting my transfer form at 11 AM. I handed it in successfully.


For two weeks, I was at the faculty every day—some days attending Architecture classes, other days Mechanical, and most of the time not really attending either. But every Tuesday and Wednesday morning, I made sure to go to the coordinator’s office to ask when the transfer results would be announced.


By the third week, the transfer results were finally announced. There were 17 applications, and they were ranked based on GPA. The first 10 students were accepted, and I was number 10—the last one to get in. After that, the transfer process was closed, and I officially became an Architecture student.


That morning, I woke up to a message saying, “Congratulations, architect.” I thanked God, told my mother, and headed to the faculty. I’ll never forget my father’s reaction when he found out. I heard his voice saying, “So, the transfer is official?” I smiled when I heard that. At the time, he hadn’t spoken to me for two months, and it stayed that way for another two.


I joined the department, and during the first few days I felt like a stranger among them. But with time, I got to know them and they got to know me. I ended up surrounded by people who love me and I love them, finally living the life I used to wish for.


It’s certain that nothing comes easy, and life isn’t fair. But doing something small that makes life a little lighter is worth it. When I work on something I love, I can handle its challenges and exhaustion, even if it’s much harder than something I don’t enjoy. The past year and a half proved that to me, through studying and working nine hours a day.


And it’s true that when you feel comfortable and genuinely love what you’re doing, everything feels different. The same place that once held all the hard moments and felt dark is now the place we’re happy to be in, the one we want to go to every day. I truly believe it’s our responsibility to help ourselves live what we love to experience a life we’ll never get to live twice.